She is my Heaven
by Jennisstellar
Summary: what if you could change everything by talking to god? sucky just read it please. rated T just in case


***Disclaimer I don't own Degrassi but I hope to be on it one day lol. I do however own a wild imagination.**

**She is my heaven.**

I look up to the sky and see the stars shining brightly over my pitiful meaningless life since she had left my life I became the person I was before she had met me. I sigh heavily holding the half empty bottle of vodka in one hand and the handful of sleeping pills in my other hand.

"Clare Dianna Edwards I'm coming to be with you." I said to the empty air that consumed me.

I Elijah Goldsworthy was going to kill myself is not a last minute decision I have thought of doing this for a long time even before I had met Clare. Seeing as I killed my ex-girlfriend life is just filled with death even my car of choice is filled with death seeing as it's a vintage hearse. I have left the notes to the ones I need to say goodbye to Adam my best friend and my parents. I let some tears fall down from my deep forest green eyes.

_Dearest Adam,_

_I'm so sorry that I have to do this especially this way but it is the only way I'll feel complete. Please don't cry for me and don't come after me. Don't kill yourself either because you have a wonderful family who loves you me and Clare will be watching over you._

_Your friend,_

_Eli_

I knew he would breakdown when he read the letter but I know he is way stronger then I ever have been Clare and him were the only things that kept me here longer.

_Dearest parents,_

_I'm so sorry for what I have put you through from the hoarding to killing myself you guys were great parents so please don't think this is your fault especially you mom because it's not.I'm just not that strong I never have been._

_Your son,_

_Eli_

I could picture CeCe crying in my head when I wrote their letter.I felt bad abandoning everyone that I knew cared a lot about me. I knew they were trying to help me but it didn't seem like I could ever get better.I swallow the handful of sleeping pills and wash them down with the vodka.

"I'm so sorry everyone." I whisper to the empty air. My eyes close and my breathing gets shallow.

I see white light surrounding me as I blink my eyes open I see my Clare standing over me.

"Eli you shouldn't be here." She looks at me.

I look at her puzzled."Wh-what do you mean? Clare I came to be with you."

"It was not your time Elijah you need to be with your family and Adam. Poor sweet Adam you left him when he needs you most."

I frown at her."You left us when we both needed you.I needed you so much Clare."

I didn't know Angels could cry until I saw her blue eyes fill with tears.

"It was my time I had no control over it because if I did I would not be here I would be in your wonderful arms Eli."

I feel tears forming in my forest green eyes and a lump in my throat.I had no idea that she hadn't planned on leaving me I just assumed after we had had our fight that night she died.

"I'm sorry Clare I had no idea I just wanted more time with you. Because when I was with you everything felt better I wasn't as numb." I let out a loud sob.

She bends down to me as I was sitting on a cloud that resembled where I was sitting down on earth. She waved her hand in front of me as to show me Adam. He was reading my letter I could see the tears falling down his cheeks from his blue resulted in me crying harder.

"See Eli he needs you. Who else is going to read comics with him in between classes and defend him from bullies?" She looks at me and waves her hand in the image which turns to CeCe and Bullfrog reading the letter I left them.

"My baby boy thought all of it was his fault I could never blame him for anything." I heard my mom tell my dad through tears. I close my eyes and the tears in my eyes fall faster and the lump in my throat was getting bigger.

"Stop it Clare I can't. I can't be here and I can't be there without you."

"That is something you have to take up with God." She looks at me with tears in bright blue eyes they looked even brighter in heaven.

I sigh heavily she knew I didn't believe in god but I never doubted her belief.

"Eli if you want me with you you have to talk to him I know you don't believe but in order to be here you must have a little faith."

I bite my lip was I stopped believing in him when Juila died and then more so when Clare died.

"I- I d-don't know if I can do that blue eyes." I manage to spit out.

She looks at me with sad eyes. "You have to it's the only way to fix this."

I nod lightly. "Well how do I talk to him?"

"Simply call."

I nod and bite my lip. "God?" I say not fully believing that was it.

I hear a loud voice boom."Yes Elijah?"

I look at Clare confused and she just holds her hand out gesturing me to answer the voice.

"God, I can't live without Clare Dianna Edwards in my life but I also realize Others can't live without me. I was wondering if you could give me and Clare our lives back?"

I bite my lip hard. Clare puts her hand on my shoulder.

"Hmm I see. Do you think I made a mistake taking Clares' life?" He bellows.

I shake my head quickly. "N-No sir it's just I cant handle my life without her and I know others that feel the same way about her. She gives my life meaning and you kinda took that took my light away when you took her away." Tears stream down my face a I talk to him.

"Every word I say is true god I can't live my life without her and our Adam needs us to protect him he is so fragile and no one understands him like us."

I look at Clare and see her trying to push away tears.I sniffle at the sight.

"I can't live a day a week a month a year or more without seeing those beautiful blue eyes staring at me. She is the reason I want to breathe."

"Fine Elijah I will grant you what you are asking of me because I have known this all along. I have known your faith in me I needed you to proof it."

I have confusion written all over my face."So you killed Clare to proof a point?"

I look at Clare and she is just as confused as I am. He bellows.

"Yes I did because I know true love when I see it and what you two have is something so special the bonds can't be have love for everyone you met Elijah and you choose who you get close to and the people you choose are there to help. Go now both of you." He waves his hand and the next thing I know I'm in the hospital with Clare sitting beside me.

I look at her puzzled. "Blue eyes?" I rub my eyes with the back of my hand.

She breathes rapidly. "Eli I love you." I see tears streaming down her usally pale cheeks but they were red from the tears.

"I thought you were dead?" I give her a puzzled look as I put my hand on her cheek.

"I thought you were dead Don't ever do that again. How stupid are you?" Her voice cracked.

I pull her to my chest it felt good to be able to hold her again. Even if I didn't know what happened to end up here.

"What did I do?" I look at her with confusion written on my face.

She draws in a deep breath after wiping some tears away."You took a shit load of sleeping pills and chased them down with would you do something like that?"

I saw more tear starting to fall from her blue eyes which were darker then ever.I wipe them away. "Because I thought you were dead blue eyes. Your the only thing that puts light in my life and I don't want to lose that ever."

She hits me pretty hard on my shoulder."Eli that's no reason to try and kill yourself. You realize that right? I'm never going to leave you and if I happen to die then don't be sad because I'll sit put light in your life." She gets up from the chair and lays down on the bed beside me.

I hug her tight and I don't let go. " I realize that now Edwards I'm sorry I put you through this."

She smiles and kisses my lips.

I still didn't know what happened I could have swore she had died but here she was in my arms.I wasn't going to fight with her about anything again I knew how fragile life could be.

**A/N: I CRIED WHILE WRITTING THIS SO SORRY IF IT MAKES YOU CRY AND SORRY IF DON'T UNDERSTAND IT. REVIEWS ARE AWESOME EVEN MEAN ONES.**


End file.
